Wednesday, 20 February 2013

Application Letter Critique

Hi everyone, this is the link to the job position that i am applying for.

http://www.singstat.gov.sg/careers/careers.html#career

This is my application letter.


Sharlene Tan Yanying
7 Kent Ridge Road
Singapore 119119
94738921
sharlene_91@gmail.com

20 February 2013

Department of Statistics Singapore
100 High Street #05-01
The Treasury
Singapore 179434

To: The Hiring Manager of Statistics Singapore

Application for position one of Management Executive Officer (Statistical)

I am writing to express my interest for the Management Executive Officer position in Department of Statistics Singapore. I am expecting to graduate from National University of Singapore (NUS) with a 2nd Class Honours degree in Statistics and Applied Probability (specializing in finance). I would like to start off my career with Statistics Singapore as it is well known to be professional in dealing with national statistics and also for the top notch services that it provides.

At NUS, I have undergone an all rounded education experience that combined the analytical, theoretical and research skills in the science arena as well as the creativity in the arts education. I have also become competent in the various computer packages for statistical work and my familiarity would serve good use in managing statistical database and information confidently and accurately. I have also been trained in statistical research and analysis of data during my course of my study in NUS. Thus, I consider the studying of Statistics and applied probability to be highly applicable and relevant for the above post, and am confident to carry out my duties efficiently and effectively

During my summer vacation, I was attached to a company as a surveyor to do data collection and conduct surveys in public. That job experience gave me a new insight of how actual data analysis was being conducted, and I believe that I am equipped with the fundamental skills of data collection, processing and compilation. I am confident that I am a well suited candidate who will contribute positively to the company.

Thank you for taking time to review my application and would appreciate an interview with you at your convenience.  I can be reached in confidence at the above telephone number or by email at sharlene_91@gmail.com and I look forward to hearing from you.
Yours Faithfully,




Sharlene Tan (Ms.)

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2 comments:

  1. Unknown26 February 2013 at 17:19

    Hello sharlene,

    Thanks for providing critiques on my application earlier on. Here are my comments on your application letter:

    -For your first paragraph, it is well-structured and easy to understand, as you have clearly stated the position you are applying for, your qualification and company's background information.

    - However, I think you can add in a brief summary sentence for the skills and qualities you have which make you a suitable candidate for this position. Since the advertisement stated "comfortable working both alone and as a member of a team", maybe you can write a sentence related to this quality?

    -For your second and third paragraph, If I am the employer I will be convinced to hire you, as you have listed your areas of competencies and experiences which statisfy the job requirements.

    -Like what I have mentioned previously, maybe you can add in another paragraph which elaborates on your qualities (teamplayer, independent worker) to furthur convince your reader that you are the one for this position.

    -Formatting was well-structured which makes your application letter easily comprehensible, but I think you have missed out a space after your third paragraph.

    -On the whole, I enjoyed reading your cover letter and hope that my suggestion helps:) See you around in school.


    Cheers,
    Phyllis

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hannah27 February 2013 at 19:21

    Hello Sharlene

    First off, sorry I took so long to comment.

    For the first paragraph:
    - the 2nd I think should either be spelt out (looks nicer) or the 'nd' shouldn't be superscript.

    For the second paragraph:
    - Avoid using too many "I have also been..." Maybe you might want to split this into two paragraphs or use other phrases such as "On top of it" or "Furthermore"

    For the third paragraph:
    - "... I believe that I am equipped...", avoid using "I believe" as it shows that you are not confident in yourself.

    For the fourth paragraph:
    - You might want to add your mobile number on your actual cover letter. :)

    Overall your cover letter is concise and easy to read. :)


    Regards
    Hannah

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